Desprate tears or are they?

Tears spill from my eyes.
I wonder how can I be stressed without wanting to be, without knowing I am.  But I break down and cry. Acne consumes my face. They tell me it's stress.
But not now. Not today. Maybe it never was stress.
I wipe away the tears but they are too much my face stays wet for a while.
The thought hits me hard. I am not stressed. I am desperate.
You know how when you want something so bad and keep working for it and just as you are starting to feel you will reach it. you take a step toward it. You can see it clearly. Then everything turns black. Hopes shattered.

I HAVE NEVER WANTED ANYTHING THAT BAD.
yet.....
Every time I think I am getting closer as if someone suddenly adjusts a lens and I am actually farther away.
and I cry.
Not out of stress, but out of desperation.
I know I will get there. I can feel it deep in my soul. Engraved in my heart.
But then, why am I crying?
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I am a book lover.
My posts are inspired by my life.
My blog is not only about books it's about the life of a book lover...Me.
You will probably find A LOT of things you could relate to.
After all, How different could we be?